Welcome to Hollywood!
Welcome to Hollywood!
Background[edit | edit source]
A brochure highlighting the many attractions and sights of Hollywood. High production values, but not a lot of substance, it would seem.
Transcript[edit | edit source]
Brought to you by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce
Hello! Welcome to the last bastion of freedom and commerce in Southern California - and maybe the World! You might have some questions about this place, so here we go!
What is Hollywood?
Hollywood is a protected area of trade, business and entertainment. We are a safehold for those free thinkers who believe in liberty, commerce and fun, shielding them from the madness and fanaticism that has gripped so much of the LA swamps. As such, we welcome all honest traders and seekers of pleasure and offer you protection while you are within our walls.
What is the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce?
The HCC is a cooperative business organization funded and democratically run by the store owners of Hollywood. Rather than each of us relying on his or her own security and taking care of the streets and structures around us on our own, we work together, pooling our resources to keep Hollywood safe and well maintained, both inside and out.
The Hollywood Safety Patrol are funded by the Chamber of Commerce and keep our streets peaceful, clean and honest, allowing participating businesses to thrive. Additionally, the Chamber's funds cover the cost of repairing aging buildings, streets and utilities, and protecting our common borders from the madmen outside.
What rules do I need to know about?
Nothing that common sense doesn't dictate to you! Trade honestly, respect the police and the Chamber of Commerce, do not harm anyone or steal from anyone, and do not vandalize public or private property. Beyond that, we do not judge your habits or pleasures, as long as you do no harm and your coin is good, you are free to do as you like.
What is ""sin""?
As you made your way here, you may have been accosted by the so-called God's Militia, who will have warned you that merely by setting foot in Hollywood you are committing a sin, or that pleasure itself is sin, or that even thinking about pleasure is a sin!
Well, as far as the HCC is concerned, there is only one sin in this world, and that is hurting another person against their will. So look around you and see if you see any victims here. You won't find any. Everyone is here of their own free will, doing only what they desire.
Then go follow the God's Militia for a while - if you dare - and see the innoncents they slaughter, and the innocents they enslave. Then make make up your own mind what sin is, and who are the sinners.
But really, fuck that. Stay here and enjoy yourselves. It's much more fun!
Hollywood Chamber of Commerce